Adam Levine removed his shirt during his Super Bowl performance and revealed a torso marked with various random objects. I saw a few birds, butterflies, and the word “California,” in large plain text across his stomach.

If, as a a grown up male, you remove your shirt in public, a few rules need to be observed:

All tattoos must be relevant. See Anthony Pettis, Marreta, the Lioness, etc.

If you are representing a certain place, be specific. You can’t show out with the name of a state on your stomach. Where you from, bro? So Cal? Sacramento? Stockton? AKA? Check with Cub Swanson for more information.

Exceptions? New York, Texas, Brazil.

That halftime show was tragic on so many levels, but the absolute worst was Levine removing his shirt to show us a chest that was … um, problematic. You can’t show up to an event like this with old songs, tired dancing, and overall lameness and your body is not 100% on point. At least put something out there for the ladies. Like Rockhold and Romero. I think Dana trots them out like show ponies. And for good reason.

M